sleepless nights
by AdventureBound
Summary: very JC when the captain cant sleep she finds peace in the arms of the one she loves... song fic towards the end


Sleepless night's  
  
voyager belongs to paramount and everyone else not me so please don't sue!!  
  
The bridge seemed for the most part quiet all day to the captain no spatial anomalies, no knew planets no nothing. 5 days since they had seen the last planet and in 5 days they hadn't seen a hint of any existence. Standing up chakotay walked across to tom Paris who sat at the helm and peered over his shoulder  
  
"Commander Permission to speak freely?" tom asked swirling round in his chair to face chakotay  
  
"Always" he replied  
  
"Would you mind not peering over my shoulder every 10 minuets, you have been doing it for the past few days and I'm sure I set the right coordinates" tom moaned a little folding his arms across his chest. Embarrassed that tom had noticed chakotay apologised and sat back down in the chair next to his captain, colour coming to his cheeks. Kathryn tried not laugh she tried with all her might and ended up abandoning her self to her ready room. Once inside she let out a burst of laughter and sat down behind her desk, it was the first she had really laughed in ages.  
  
A few hours passed and it was time for the night shift to relieve the day shift and each of the crew members turned in for the night.  
  
Stepping inside his quarter's chakotay sighed a deep sigh of relief and walked to the bathroom undressing from his uniform and taking a shower.  
  
Kathryn on the other hand had taken a bath and had settled down into her bed  
  
"Computer, lights off" she commanded and laid back down on the bed. Turning and tossing for an hour the captain tried in vain to sleep but couldn't, something was playing on her mind and she had an inkling to what it was.  
  
Getting up from the bed she rapped her robe around her frozen body and walked over to the replicator ordering a strong black coffee. Sitting down on the couch she warmed her self to the glass in her hands but yet she still felt cold. Looking down she picked up a photograph in a classically shaped frame, it was a picture of her and chakotay at one of tom's holo- deck parties, she was in a green summer dress and he was wearing a multicoloured shirt and as far as she could tell cream coloured trousers. He was smiling and Kathryn could help but let her heart melt at the sight of his dimples...  
  
"What am I thinking?" she said aloud putting the photo back on the table and sipping the last drops of her coffee.  
  
"Computer, time?" she asked aloud placing the coffee cup down,  
  
"0200 hours" came its cold reply, standing up she walked back into her bedroom and got back into bed picking up a book from the bed side table, skimming through it she found the page and began to read...  
  
Chakotay finished his shower and got out getting into his night clothes which consisted of nothing more than a t-shirt and a pair of boxers, climbing into bed he asked the computer to turn out the lights and he laid back. After a while he began to think of Kathryn and his mind wandered off to images of how happy they could be together if she would let go of her protocols and her Starfleet regulations. He knew he would never have the captain but he also knew that even if he didn't he would still love her with everything that he was. Slowly but surely the commanders eyes closed and he left his reality to be in his dream world...the one where he was free to love Kathryn and to feel exactly the same back.  
  
"It's no use!!" she sighed and got up out of bed again walking across to her desk and sitting behind it. Picking up a PADD she examined the contents and tossed it aside, she wasn't in the mood for reading engineering reports now. Standing up once again she walked across the room and was about to order another coffee when she thought about something chakotay had said to her about how coffee keeps you awake, of course she already knew that but hearing him say it inside her head was much, much better. Again Kathryn shook the thoughts out of her head and decided against the coffee or anything in fact. Looking around the room Kathryn turned and walked back into her room looking at the empty bed...  
  
"I can't do it" she whispered to her self and held her arms around her stomach closing eyes and resting her head against the side of the door frame. Looking up she stared at the wall and wandered if chakotay was asleep in the quarter's next door.  
  
"Computer, time?" she asked again and was faced with an unreasonable answer  
  
"0300 hours" came its reply and Kathryn sighed pacing back and forth across the room. She knew how chakotay felt about her and she knew she told him that it could never happen because she had to be the strong one for the crew to look up to, but then it occurred to her about something kes had said once about love and moving on...  
  
"I never really got the chance, not matter how hard I try, no matter how I try and forget he'll always be in my mind telling me over and over about how I missed my chance and I will remember but captain if your in love with the commander you should tell him before its too late for you too, he wont wait forever. You need to let go of protocols and regulations is what you said once, I think you should look in the mirror when you say those things because I can see it in your eyes...you want to let go..." kes said taking hold of the captains hand and looking her in the eyes  
  
"Captain you have got to move on, were not in federation space no more and even if we were they cant deny a person's love for one another...love isn't made of rules and regulations it comes from the heart and it's a wonderful journey that I know you will one day make" kes finished and smiled, it was the sheer amazement that kes was speaking exactly what she wanted her mouth to speak...  
  
Shaking off her dreams of what kes said she smiled and looked in the mirror  
  
"Its time to let go Kathryn, time to stop pretending and start living" she smiles and straightened her self up. Not changing the captain peered outside of the door and saw that there was no-one was coming, so she stepped out and waked to the next quarter's along and smiled, pressing the button to chakotay's room.  
  
Stirring in his sleep chakotay could of sworn he heard the door chime go and got up sitting on the edge of the bed, when it rang again he stood up and walked out into the main room  
  
"Enter" he said a bit dozy still from his sleep. Kathryn entered and he stood there shocked as he noticed she was in her night robe and he was stood in boxers and a t-shirt.  
  
"Captain? Is everything ok?" chakotay asked trying to figure out why she was stood in her robe in his room, in the middle of the night. Smiling she walked over to him and took his hand leading him across to the sofa. Sitting down she gently pulled him down to sit next to her and she closed the gap between them a little.  
  
"chakotay I have something I want to tell you, something that I should have said so long ago but...well anyway...I well...I..." she stuttered trying to find out how she could blurt it out without making it sound like a routine thing. He smiled and looked at her waiting for an answer but when she went silent all he could think of was 'I hope this isn't about the ship'. He looked at her and placed a hand on her shoulder her beautiful red hair cascading down her back and her eyes lighting up the room with their tiny sparkles 'wow she is gorgeous' he thought to himself. Without warning he took her hand in his own and tilted her face up gently so he could look deeper into her eyes  
  
"Kathryn what is it?" he asked gently. Finally deciding she wasn't going to put it off any longer she smiled and went for it kissing him passionately on the lips. Shocked at first he pulled away and stared at her unbelieving...  
  
"I'm sorry chakotay I just...I couldn't help it I'm in love with you chakotay, I love you so much I tried getting to sleep tonight but all I kept doing was thinking about you..." she smiled and looked down once again slightly embarrassed at kissing then telling.  
  
He couldn't believe his ears at first and shook his head a little as if to try and wake him self from this dream but nothing happened. He felt his heart race and he felt like jumping for joy, but that's what happened when ever she was near his whole world suddenly made sense and he gently lifted her face towards him again.  
  
"I love you too, so much Kathryn and I always will" he spoke and gently pressed his lips against hers. She moaned a little as each of them kissed the other passionately. Standing up he released his grip gently on Kathryn and she stared up at him as he swooped her up in his arms and carried her into the next room to his bedroom.  
  
It was early hours in the morning and the captain slept peacefully in the arms of her lover. Opening his eyes slightly he leaned over and kissed Kathryn gently on the cheek, moving her silk hair to behind her ear he slowly ran his finger along the curves of her face, but she did not stir.  
  
"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
  
While you're far away and dreaming  
  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
  
I could stay lost in this moment forever  
  
Every moment spent with you  
  
Is a moment I treasure"  
  
Slowly she moved in his arms and she now turned to face him, she was more beautiful than he had ever seen her before in his life aboard voyager. He prayed silently that it wasn't a dream, that she really did feel the same for him as he felt for her. But somehow she must have known what he was thinking as she decided to wrap her arms around him and cuddle close to his chest.  
  
"Don't wanna close my eyes  
  
don't wanna fall asleep  
  
'Cause I'd miss you, baby  
  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
  
the sweetest dream would never do  
  
I'd still miss you, baby  
  
And I don't wanna miss a thing"  
  
Stirring a little Kathryn woke a little and opened her eyes as the love of her life stared down at her, for once in her life she finally felt safe, felt wanted and treasured. She loved him so much that it hurt to think she had to get up and go to work leaving him for hours before she could be with him again in his arms...  
  
"Kathryn what are we going to tell the crew" he spoke as if he read her mind. Smiling a little the thoughts of not telling the crew and how they would react faded, she just wanted to shout it from the top of her lungs  
  
"I thought about not telling them or waiting for the right time but...now feels like the right time I'm in love with you chakotay so much I want the whole universe to know" she kissed him and he smiled passionately kissing her back.  
  
"Laying close to you  
  
Feeling your heart beating  
  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
  
And then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together  
  
I just wanna stay with you  
  
In this moment forever, forever and ever"  
  
Months had passed since the night Kathryn and chakotay finally confessed their love for one another. Telling the crew was the hardest part but both were surprised when there was an uproar of 'finally's' and 'it's about times.' Several more months passed and chakotay and Kathryn were now married and Kathryn was heavily pregnant about 8 1/2 months to be exact. Turning over she woke up and couldn't settle again. Turning over she smiled down at her husband the man she loved more than life itself and she wrapped her arms around him as best she could with her huge stomach taking up most of the room. She knew she was finally happy she knew she was free she knew he loved her and she loved him just as much. She had everything she wanted. Gently she leaned down and whispered to him:  
  
"Don't wanna close my eyes  
  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
  
'Cause I'd miss you, baby  
  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
  
The sweetest dream would never do  
  
I'd still miss you, baby  
  
And I don't wanna miss a thing"  
  
She smiled and gently touched his face as he stirred and looked into her eyes  
  
"Kathryn are you okay?" he asked smiling and rapping his arm around her waist but she didn't reply just stared straight at him. He smiled and she didn't react back  
  
"Kathryn?" He asked laughing a little but she still didn't reply and he touched her face gently, she was stone cold and still wasn't reacting just smiling. He felt his heart skip a beat as he jolted upright in the bed and swirled suddenly knocking his combadge onto the floor standing up he roamed around for it and found it, pressing it he spoke fast  
  
"Medical emergency chakotay to transporter room two beam the captain and I to sick bay"  
  
"I don't wanna miss one smile  
  
I don't wanna miss one kiss  
  
I just wanna be with you  
  
Right here with you, just like this  
  
I just wanna hold you close  
  
Feel your heart so close to mine  
  
And just stay here in this moment  
  
For all the rest of time"  
  
The doctor gave it his every effort but he couldn't save the captain, she had contracted a disease from a planet she had recently been on and when they visited the planet they were warned about the disease that held no cure. Chakotay stayed by her side holding her hand and begging her to come back to him  
  
"Please Kathryn, you can't leave me please...I only just found you please don't leave me Kathryn...please..." he begged but her body gave no response. His eyes welled with tears and the streamed down his cheeks...finally he leaned over her kissed her lips softly  
  
"I love you Kathryn with all of my heart and my soul, be free now" he whispered into her ear "you will always have my heart" he let the tears slip down and fall onto her night clothes she was still in.  
  
"Don't wanna close my eyes  
  
don't wanna fall asleep  
  
'Cause I'd miss you, baby  
  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
  
the sweetest dream would never do  
  
I'd still miss you, baby  
  
And I don't wanna miss a thing"  
  
Out of tragedy, the doctor managed to save the baby before it became infected and before it slipped away with its mother. Now 25 years on chakotay and daughter Megan Thomas (as she was now a married woman) lived on earth in a big family home by the sea. Voyager had made it home earlier than expected and they had given Kathryn a proper funeral, although her body lied out in space on a planet simply named "new earth" they gave memory to her and placed a tombstone in her name in the local cemetery.  
  
She was remembered well by Starfleet as the most tolerant captain ever. When Starfleet had called for the memorial service to honor Kathryn's memory they had named her many a things but the one thing chakotay would always remember her as would be the love of his entire existence. She was everything to him that a woman could be...he missed her terribly.  
  
"Don't wanna close my eyes  
  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
  
'Cause I'd miss you, baby  
  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
  
The sweetest dream would never do  
  
I'd still miss you, baby  
  
And I don't wanna miss a thing"  
  
Returning home one night from Megan's home, chakotay had been to see her and she was looking more beautiful than ever, she looked exactly like her mother did when she was alive. He was so proud of her he thought as he turned on the lights in the silent house. True to his word chakotay had never married after Kathryn, he didn't feel he could and he didn't feel he wanted to even though tom had tried to set him up with numerous women, none of them were her.  
  
Walking into the kitchen he took out a glass and a bottle of wine from the fridge and walked out onto the balcony over looking the sea, now getting old and gray chakotay wrapped a blanket around his body as the fresh night air hit him with full force. Pouring out a glass he curled up on the outside sofa bed, looking up at the stars he smiled and whispered words of love to his long lost wife as he played with the golden ring on his wedding finger.  
  
Closing his eyes he placed the glass on the table and wrapped the blanket tighter around his body breathing deeply a hand reached out from behind him and gently placed it on his shoulder, standing up suddenly he knocked the glass off the table and the blanket fell to the floor as what stood before him shocked him the most...  
  
"Kathryn?" he spoke barely above a whisper she smiled at him and slowly walked up to him putting her arms around him...whispering softly into his ear  
  
"There's a way to change you future, this future I can take you back in time you have to help me before its too late, you only get one shot"  
  
"But how? What? Why? ...how did you get here? Where did you come from?" he whispered holding onto her never wanting to let her go...  
  
"It doesn't matter now chakotay you must change history, the future depends on it" she pulled away and turned around walking a little way before turning around and extending her hand to him...he slowly walked towards her and took her hand before he knew what was going on he was watching himself in sick bay, then in the bedroom then the previous week. He stopped moving through time and he appeared in transporter room 2 just as Kathryn heavily pregnant walked through the door followed by his earlier self.  
  
Stopping them from getting on the transporter pad and beaming down he stood between the two of them and they looked on in shock as the future chakotay rushed through the reasons why he was here and what would happen if she beamed down to the planet. It didn't take much coaxing from future chakotay to convince his younger self and his Kathryn not to go. After a few minuets the captain tapped her combadge and ordered them to change course and set a course for home once again. Just as they arrived on the bridge and she said engage he fluttered his eyes open and remembered nothing about what had just happened he saw images all of what he thought would be a dream.  
  
smiling Kathryn touched his face gently and re-opened his eyes and smiled at her  
  
"Kathryn are you ok?" chakotay asked wrapping his arm around her waist... she smiled and kissed his lips passionately  
  
"yeah I am now your awake, the baby won't stop kicking" she laughed a little and he laughed along with her, placing his hand on her stomach to feel the baby kick... they both laughed when it did so.  
  
Kissing him once again she pouted and looked into his eyes  
  
"I can't get to sleep and I don't think the baby can either, how many more sleepless nights will I have" she laughed and he smiled...putting a hand on her stomach and looking into her eyes he whispered:  
  
"Don't wanna close my eyes  
  
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah  
  
I don't wanna miss a thing"  
  
FIN  
  
PLEASE, PLEASE RR LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!! Thank you xxx 


End file.
